QT: Against My Will

Edited by Psycho S.

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Feeling his heart clench, he quickly placed a light peck on her lips in panic, “I love you, Bing Shi. Do you love me?”

“I do!” she shouted out like a soldier as she rubbed at her eyes. She had a clue on what his secret might be about even though he didn’t reveal it; he wasn’t very good at hiding since he asked if he loved her a lot.

“How much do you love?” he inquired as he bit into her ear harder, almost making it bleed with how hard he bit into her.

“I love you more than I love myself!” she answered, this time louder, her nodding caused him to stop biting her ear. As a show of her genuine feelings, she patted at her chest and in doing so, she slapped at the hand that groped at her breast.

“Don’t treat me like I’m a part of your missions. I’m not your patient,” he reminded her as his hand slid out of her shirt. She was getting better at taking control of the situation at the cost of her emotions. How much further did she want to go?

He didn’t want to wake up one day to realize that she already turned into a little monster. “How much do you love me?”

.....

He felt her shoulders begin to shake though she didn’t bother trying to escape his needy arms.

“Why don’t you stop asking me?! Go and make a measuring scale to evaluate how much I love you! You doubting me so much is getting on my nerves!” She took a deep breath as she cried out, her voice wavering as she continued to display her vulnerable side to him, “What more do you want from me? What do I do, when you keep provoking me left and right?! Every time you question me, you make me angrier and angrier. Don’t test my love!”

Lu Kai opened his lips in protest, but he was silenced by her covering her teary face with her hands, and throwing a barrage of words at him like they were grenades, “You don’t like it when I’m calm and you don’t like it when I’m angry. You don’t like it when I’m sad and you get suspicious when I’m happy! Now, you even think I’m treating you like my mission?! I should be the one asking who loves who! Can’t you see I’m hurting? Don’t talk to me anymore! I’m not talking to you...”

“I’ll keep talking to you. Don’t ignore me... I’ll do anything for you.” He was never the obedient type; he was far from the ‘wife-slave’ everyone thought him to be at first glance.

It was in his nature to do whatever he wanted, including punching himself in the face for treating his wife like an ass. Including hating himself for making his wife upset. He took the hands covering her crying face and kissed each hand on the palm with reverence. He was always promising himself to never hurt her again, yet he always broke that promise when his moods were unstable.

Her tears... How he could treasure, but also hate something to such a degree was beyond his comprehension. Perhaps he loved her tears, only when they were happy, or were a result of her being pleasured beyond her comfort. “Not gonna cry at me to let go of you? If not, I’ll keep kissing you.”

Refusing to move an inch, Bing Shi stayed rooted on the spot like a statue. He should be the one to scatter like dust before she pulled out her fangs and horns. Well, not really. How could she leave him alone? How could she bear her fangs at this man, at this moment? She couldn’t do that unless he decided that she should do just that: wear her horns and bite him with her fangs, so she may feel guilty and he could feel better.

This wasn’t the first time they had such a minor fight over her love for him and vice versa, and surely this wouldn’t be the last fight. This also wasn’t the first time, and she’s sure it’ll be far from the last, where she couldn’t help but worry about his unstable mental state. His mood swings were a tribulation on its own to overcome in their relationship, but it wouldn’t be enough for them to simply...give up.

Of course his mood swings hurt her.

The way his poisonous words dripped into her heart were the cause of her short-lasting tears, but his feelings and tactics of hurting her emotionally weren’t enough for Bing Shi to give up on Lu Kai.

Afterwards, when he realised that he’d hurt her, he would feel remorseful that he had hurt her. Strangely, however, he was never quite that remorseful that she’d been hurt. He felt bad about his actions, but he didn’t feel bad about the victim of his actions. It was... confusing.

She couldn’t explain it....

Or maybe she could explain it and she just didn’t want to put into words how fucked their relationship was.

The guilt in his heart, after lashing out at her, would be obvious; he’d treat her like she was glass. But do not be mistaken. Even though she was glass to him, still, when angry, he would make her shatter with his words that feel like a punch to the gut.

To soothe his guilt that weighed heavy on his shoulders, she would always excuse his behaviour and find fault in herself.

(She could partly understand why her mother left her father when it was apparent to all that he was trash. She could also understand Su Min, who could never bring herself to really forget and move on from Mo Luwei. Men were a trap for women in love.)

This man... he wouldn’t keep her happy 24/7, she didn’t expect that out of him. Even to her, making someone happy with their presence alone sounded a bit tiring. It’s just... He was doing a pretty good job at making her feel relatively ‘calm’ under his relentless watching.

Despite him being the cause of her tears most of the time when she cried, she wouldn’t feel abused under his grasp. It was like she was aware of what he did to her, but she didn’t care enough to do something about how he treated her.

Did she feel abused? No, she didn’t. As weird as it may sound, instead of feeling as though she was a victim under blatant manipulation, she felt like he had a valid reason to manipulate her...

She felt hurt, yes, but it felt like she deserved the hurt because it seemed as though he was torturing himself on the inside when he hurts her. Was she wearing the same brand of rose-colored glasses Su Min once brought for Mo Luwei? She had no idea. When it came to him, she couldn’t think straight.

The sight of her body, vulnerable and so malleable in his arms, made Lu Kai feel lightheaded. He breathed her scent in deeply, and enjoyed the way her smell washed over his senses. His mouth watered. Combined with the visual sensation she made and the ‘seductive’ scent she gave off, he couldn’t take the temptation that was her, in all her natural, unguarded glory anymore.

Shifting back, he would smoothly take off his own shirt and watch the way she curled inwards so she could take over the warmth he left when moving on the couch. When she realised what she had done, she wanted to laugh and cry at the irony. The warmth on the couch felt cold under her trembling body.

Lu Kai threw her a curious glance as he shuffled her body upwards and made her wear his partially-warm shirt. Bing Shi shrank into the fabric that smelled entirely of his unique scent. The shirt felt cold to her somehow.

He would lean forward and gain access to her space ring and she watched as he... pulled out a pair of horns and fangs.

To cry or not to cry...

Wait... Why was she feeling so guilty for the things he’d done to her? Why? This all began with him so why was she feeling so horrible? She had to deal with what he’d done and... And...

He arranged the horns in between the strands of her hair and he put the fangs on himself in an attempt to lighten her mood. It was his own way of trying to cheer her up after she had to deal with his horrible mood. He noticed that she balled up like a shrimp and so, he caressed her hair and asked her, genuinely, “Is it hard being with me?”

+– ANTI PIRACY NOTE–+

Hello, dear reader. If by any chance, you are reading this somewhere else besides W e b n o v e l, it means you’re reading my novel illegally. To support my work, please read QT: Against My Will from an original source, which is w w w . w e b n o v e l . com

Thank you.

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