QT: Against My Will

Edited by Psycho S.

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Seeing Silika’s and Lu Kai’s photo on the marriage certificate, Li Jie looked at her Direction, “Does he know about your stalking hobby?”

Bing Shi gave Li Jie a sheepish glance, “What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over, right? So let’s not tell anyone about this, okay?”

“You!” Li Jie pointed his finger at her, speechless. His views on her were so close to changing; the light shining upon her was ready to be renewed- only for it to be shattered so quickly he didn’t know what to do.

Bing Shi carefully put her marriage certificate back with a delicateness dedicated only for her husband. While doing so, she withheld the urge to brag about how amazing her husband was. In exchange for her marriage certificate, she would retrieve a picture of Li Jie.

“I really like your music,” Bing Shi nonchalantly said as she pointedly shoved Li Jie’s picture close to his face. She asked for his autograph; she would definitely be using this later to climb up the ladder of fame by using his face as clout. Not only that, there was also that shinobi mission. Li Jie was getting increasingly suspicious of her, so it was better to pretend to be a crazy fan. Yep.

When the helicopter arrived, Li Jie tagged along.

.....

Bing Shi drove his car to the hospital, and then she took a taxi to her new home. She needed to find an excuse to move fast. Luckily, school would be starting soon.

Li Jie told Su Min something while the doctors were pretending that she had a miscarriage due to her child’s life being threatened.

The doctor’s were not stupid. They vaguely knew why Su Min was constantly visiting the hospital.

Mo Luwei’s image in their minds was at an all time low.

· · — · ???· — · ·

After a week...

Su Min stirred in the hospital bed. Her bleary eyes cracked open and she almost closed them again if it weren’t for the loud shouting of two men ringing in her ears. She blinked her eyes tiredly.

After being given the news of her miscarriage, it was like she’d given up on properly living. Her skin had gotten increasingly paler with every day she stayed in the hospital. The light in her eyes continuously grew dimmer as she thought back on her actions.

She regretted it. She regretted it a lot. She was silly: stupid; reckless... she realised it now. She’d been reflecting during her week-long stay in the hospital and she’d come to know just how rottenly deep her love was for Mo Luwei.

When she questioned herself on if she would do everything again, she realised that she absolutely wouldn’t change a thing. This realisation made her acknowledge that she was a damned woman.

As she gradually came to her senses. She noticed that the men quarrelling were Li Jie and Mo Luwei. When she saw Mo Luwei, mixed emotions of apprehension and tentative hope filled her heart.

Mo Luwei saw her wake up. His eyes turned dark as he aimed his venomous tongue at her “You hate me that much, huh? You still dare to live?”

And just like that, despair feasted upon the barely budding flower of hope in her heart. Once, she carelessly loved this man even with all his cruelty; now, even though she still dared to harbour feelings for him, she didn’t dare to call it love.

If anything, she feared that what she felt for him was beyond love. Obsession, perhaps?

“Mo Luwei, let me go... I miscarried...” Su Min hoarsely whispered this to him. Her week-long stay had forced her to confront her miscarriage head on- in doing so, she had cried a river for her baby. She’d drained her body of all her tears for her baby and for herself.

She was, from now on, too numb to cry.

In spite of this numbness, she felt her voice tremble when she reported her miscarriage to Mo Luwei.

As she said this, she noticed a trace of worry, anxiety and heartache in Mo Luwei’s eyes.

Her heart, it seemed, was her enemy, as it strongly beat against her chest in a fit of desperation.

“I’ll visit you later today. By that time, I want to see your corpse,” Mo Luwei coldly told her. Then he went out to continue searching for Su Luqin.

Su Min felt her heart rate calm down. With grief, she closed her eyes and not for the first time, she prayed.

This, however, was not the usual prayer for Mo Luwei’s love or the death of a certain someone. No, she prayed that she would survive should she meet Mo Luwei later. She knew that she was helpless in the face of Mo Luwei’s hostile gaze. She knew that she would be doing something silly again. She would face retribution after.

This was a painful cycle but god did she love it.

When she had finished her short prayer, she turned to pay attention to Li Jie.

Li Jie looked tired and his clothes were a bit messy. He gave Su Min a soft smile and touched her cheek with affection.

“Are you okay?” Su Min, much to Li Jie’s subtle surprise, asked him if he was fine.

She noticed the surprise that briefly appeared on his face. She was hurt to know that a man as good as Li Jie wanted her. It hurt her even more to know that, though he wanted her, she would always want Mo Luwei.

She could have saved herself the heartache and settled with Li Jie but he didn’t deserve that. Not with her. In reply to her question, Li Jie said that he was fine. That liar. She knew he was in big trouble. To ensure her safety, he postponed his acting career and took over his family’s company.

Su Min closed her eyes as she reflected on herself some more. She should cut her ties with Li Jie – he would be better off without her.

Because yes, she was selfish and silly but if she was going to hurt anyone with her selfishness, she knew that she wanted to kill Mo Luwei with it.

There was a lull of silence when she closed her eyes and he watched on as her brows wrinkled in thought.

A ringtone interrupted their silence, and Li Jie picked it up.

Su Min could hear the voice on the other side clearly.

“President Li, ML’s group is suppressing our company. We don’t have enough manpower or resources to confront them.”

Su Min’s lips pursed together, dipping into a grimace. Her thoughts were becoming stupid with fantasies.

Her fantasies revolved around Mo Luwei... they were laughable. They were innocent. (They were never coming true and she knew that)

One of the fantasies had led her into thinking that Mo Luwei was afraid that she’d leave him. That was why he cracked such pressure onto Li Jie’s company?

If Bing Shi could hear Su Min’s thoughts, she would slap ‘Stockholm syndrome’ on Su Min’s cheeks. Right after that, she would slap ‘Victim-Lover Syndrome’ onto Su Min’s forehead.

Why? Why was Su Min never able to escape the tight leash of Mo Luwei? Why was she never able to let him go in her heart? Why, why why?

Screw her bleeding, aching, sore heart.

When she heard that he was suppressing Li Jie, she knew that she’d lost her own battle. No matter what, if it involved Mo Luwei...

He always won against her.

Quietly, she told Li Jie to leave the ward. Right after that, only she knew in her soul that she was protecting him in the strangest, most twisted way she knew how.

Li Jie noticed the slight change in Su Min and so he left the ward in disappointment. He’d assume that she was still in love with Mo Luwei. Although this assumption was partly right, her fear overwhelmed her love more, and her hatred drowned that fear into a spec of nothingness.

He would come later today: he told her that. So she would prepare.

Everyone could think that Mo Luwei had Su Min under his suffocating grasp. Su Min would step into the same trap over and over. A spec of care from Mo Luwei would make her forget all the pain he put her through, and her fear for Li Jie’s safety was like an excuse for her to jump into Mo Luwei’s arms readily.

This was the cycle that Su Min acknowledged.

This was the cycle she would enter again.

· · — · ???· — · ·

When Mo Luwei appeared in her ward later, Su Min pretended to sleep, but she could actually hear Mo Luwei’s urgent whispers.

‘Is he sad for our baby?’ Su Min spitefully thought. She hoped that her miscarriage hurt him as much as it hurted her, ‘Good.’

She hoped that he would feel what she felt now.

When she opened her eyes, she saw Mo Luwei showing an expression that she couldn’t understand.

Now, she knew, was the time to be selfish and act stupid.

She grabbed his arm in haste, her grip was an iron claw that refused to let him go.

‘Go on,’ She thought as he struggled to get his arm away from her, ‘Just try to leave me. Since you won’t let me go, I’ll never let you leave in peace,”:

“Mo Luwei, you care about me right? You’re suppressing Li Jie, because you’re afraid I’ll leave, right?”