The Decade of Deep Love

Wenxu didn’t see this coming, he took a hard punch on the face. And before he could react, another fist whooshed at him. Wenxu didn’t fight back, and he managed to dodge it in an awkward way.

Wenxu Jiang wasn’t a pushover, and he was always unyielding since he was little. He never tolerated any humiliation except it was for Zhishu. But today he just didn’t want a fight with anyone, since the mess after the fight wouldn’t look good.

“I don’t want to fight you,” He spit the blood out of his mouth, “I’m here to take my man home.”

Ziyu was mad and sneered, “Who are you to talk to me like that?”

Wenxu frowned, “It’s between us. You, an outsider, tell me that I’m in no position to say something like that?” There were no curses but what he said sounded harsh, like he naturally thought Ziyu was lower than him, and like he was the one that knew and loved Zhishu the most all along.

Ziyu Ai kept silent briefly and held his impulsiveness back. He just stared right at Wenxu with his probing eyes that bore perplexing doubts and pure confusion.

Then he said in a quite low voice, “How did he fall for you...” What was good about him apart from his look?

“Don’t question our relationship with your shallow judgment. Give my man back to me.” Wenxu said in a cold tone, trying not to show his accumulated guilt and pain.

Ziyu Ai, however, burst into sarcastic laughter. “Shallow judgment? Mr. Jiang, I assume you know how Zhishu and I met, right?”

“In November, when Beijing had its first snow, he came to the hospital for his medical report, Alone. He seemed to feel very cold despite the thick down jacket he was wearing. I didn’t ask him if he had a family because that wasn’t the first time that he came to the hospital.” Ziyu paused because of a small choke, “He was always on his own from the very first time. No family, no friend, no lover. Bone marrow aspiration was so painful yet he kept quiet. Later, he refused the flowers I gave him, but eyes don’t lie, I could tell he was very happy. However, he returned the flowers to me the next day. That moment, his eyes were so dim that no sign of hope could be traced.”

Heart cramps struck Wenxu so hard that he nearly fell. He had no impression of what Zhishu had suffered a few months ago at all. What was he busy with back then? Going on trips, business expansion, staying out all night... with his bitch. He did remember the flowers though, but he was the guy that killed Zhishu’s little joy and hope.

“I thought that he was alone in Beijing, that he had no one around him. But one time, I saw a kiss mark on his neck and I learned that he had a gay lover, so I started to have thoughts. How could I not? He was the first one I wanted to look after with all my heart the very moment I saw him.”

Ziyu Ai stayed up all night, now the anger only added to the redness in his bloodshot eyes. He glared at Wenxu’s eyes, “You knew. You knew how much he loved you, why didn’t you let him live? He agreed to do chemo but he stopped coming after I sent him home that day. Why did he leave Beijing for no reason?”

Wenxu’s lips shivered involuntarily. He struggled to open his mouth but couldn’t make any sound. He knew exactly what he did. He suspected that Zhishu and the doctor were having an affair, he freaked out, he hit him, he cursed and fucked him as rudely as a raper would do. He failed to keep Zui Shen in control, which was the last straw to devastate Zhishu’s heart.

“I know I was wrong...” Eyes dimmed, Wenxu hung his head, “Honestly, I...”

Ziyu’s hard punch cut Wenxu Jiang off. Wenxu didn’t try to dodge this time.

“Too late! Huh? Don’t you think?” Ziyu menacingly grabbed Wenxu by his collar, “I give you a chance to right your wrong right now. This is what you need to do. You love him, don’t you? Go inside and talk him into taking medical treatment! Would admitting your mistake cure him? No!”

Ziyu panted heavily, acting opposite to his normal gentleness. “There’s something that you cannot fix by simply admitting your fault! Just one apology would offset all the fucks you had out there? Just one apology would make it up to him after all these years’ indifference and abuse of yours? No! You are only making yourself feel better by deceiving yourself!”

Wenxu Jiang twitched, he collapsed as Ziyu let go of him. His lips had gone deep purple but he forced himself to stiffen his back. Ridiculously, he was kneeling before Ziyu Ai.

Everyone thought he wasn’t that in love with Zhishu, whether it was Jingwen Zhang or Aiqian Ai or Ziyu Ai or all of his friends. Were they wrong or he had been living in his own lie? Wenxu lowered his head, shying away from the sun. But in a trance, he seemed to see the boy sitting by the window when they were young, the dainty boy who would frown when he sunk into his thoughts; also the young man who was always waiting for him to come home, the young man with kind and forbearing eyes who had learned to do housewives’ work over the years.

He loved Zhishu He from beginning to present. He loved the lean boy that loved to read Zheng Jian, the young man that always tolerated him back in the days. Zhishu He was the one and only person he had ever truly loved.

“Let him see me.” It was more like a supplication than a request.

Ziyu went speechless as he stared at the man kneeling in front of him who was at the same age as him, this “tough old weasel”, according to Ziqian Ai. He then swiftly turned around, opened the door, got inside the house and locked the door again.

As Ziyu entered the house, he felt something different instinctively. He looked up and saw Zhishu got out of the bedroom and stood on the second floor, looking down through the half-covered window for maybe a long time.